Jane's Diary
by tika12001
Summary: Okay, so here's the deal. I pretty much had this totally absurd idea that Maura gives Jane a diary, because she feels that Jane is not dealing well with her emotions. This is the outcome. Humour, Rizzles... umm... enjoy? :-) Now complete :-)
1. Chapter 1

Title: Jane's Diary

Rating: T for language

Author: tika12001

Summary: Okay, so here's the deal. I pretty much had this totally absurd idea that Maura gives Jane a diary, because she feels that Jane is not dealing well with her emotions. This is the outcome. Humour, Rizzles... umm... enjoy? :-)

**Thursday 2nd May 2013**

**Dear Diary,**

**That sounds really stupid. Kids write in diaries. Teenagers write in diaries and moan about the world and how unfair it is. Adults don't write in diaries.**

**Do they? Maybe they do...**

**Whatever. I don't write in diaries anyway. Maura gave this to me because, and I quote: "Jane, I'm ever so worried about you. You obsibidal spatula has been orbiting at an alarming rate lately, and I fear that your cranial lobes are going to implode then explode, shooting off into the stratosphere. This is terribly alarming. I am going to give you a diary to write in your innermost feelings like a little girl. You must write in it once a day minimum."**

**Okay, so maybe she didn't say it EXACTLY like that, but whatever. Close enough.**

**Why do I always do what Maura says? I don't listen to anyone else. *sigh***

**Okay, fine. Today was good. I woke up, walked to the bathroom and brushed my hair. Afterwards, I headed out to the kitchen where I... you know what? Screw this.**

_Sunday 5th May 2013_

_I did __not_ _say your obsipidal spatula is orbiting. What is that anyway? I simply stated that the micro expressions on your face led me to the conclusion that you were suffering undue stress, and that that stress may be relieved by writing it all down in the form of a diary._

_And the reason that you listen to me is because you know what's good for you._

_I haven't seen an entry for the past couple of days, care to explain why?_

**Monday 6th May 2013**

**...whaaaa? Maura? How did she get hold of my diary?**

**Huh. Oh well. I guess I will write in here again. I just don't know what to write. I mean, how much detail do you put into a diary? Do you write down every meal you had, the time and volume of your bowel movements...? This is the reason I have never written in one, because it just seems like a waste of time. Maura wants me to do it though, so I'll try.**

**... 3... #... %... &... 1234567890...abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz. ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.**

**I don't know what to write! Screw this.**

_Monday 6th May 2013_

_You really should take better care of your belongings. The reason I am able to 'get hold' of your diary is because you leave it everywhere, usually open and inviting inquisitiveness._

_You most certainly do not write about your bowel movements. That is, unless you are suffering from gastrointestinal difficulties, and need to keep track of these things on medical advice. Meals are a similar story. Unless you are under the care of a dietician or similar, there is no need to write down what you are eating. However, it might be a good idea for you anyway, Jane, so that you can better understand what I have been saying about the benefits of reducing the amount of caffeine and saturated fats in your daily diet._

_No, the reason I gave you this diary is so that you can write about your feelings! Various things that happen to you throughout the day! There are no set rules on what to write about in a diary or journal... you can write down the amusing things that happen to you, the major life altering moments, or you can simply write about your mother, for example, and how she drives you insane, figuratively speaking._

_Hopefully from now on, I will begin to see proper diary entries in here, and not written renditions of the alphabet._

**Tuesday 7th May 2013**

**Maura. It is not 'inviting inquisitiveness'. It is being a buttinski.**

**Do you not recall the definition of the word diary? It is 'a daily record of personal events or news'. You see that? PERSONAL. Meaning for MY EYES ONLY. Stop going through my stuff.**

_7th May 2013_

_If you don't want me to go through your stuff, it might be a good idea to not LEAVE YOUR DIARY IN MY OFFICE._

_Hey... wait, you listened to my definition of the word 'diary'?_

**T 7th May 2013**

**That was an ACCIDENT.**

**I always listen to you Maura.**

_7th May 2013_

_Oh Jane, you're so sweet_

**T 7th May 2013**

**Gag. Whatever. Am not. So, I'm actually gonna start trying to use this properly now, okay? So no more peeking.**

_8th May 2013_

_Okay Jane. I will no longer be a 'buttinski'._

**Wednesday 8th May 2013**

**Good. Oh... Maura?**

_8th May 2013_

_Yes, Jane?_

**W 8th May 2013**

**HA! Knew you wouldn't be able to resist peeking.**

_8th May 2013_

_Hmm. Perhaps this is something I need to address, my need to know what is going on in other people's lives._

**W 8th May 2013**

**You don't need to address it; you just need to stop doing it.**

_8th May 2013_

_Perhaps I should buy you a journal with a padlock, so as to avoid temptation on my part? Congratulations on your correct usage of the semicolon by the way._

**W 8th May 2013**

**A journal with a lock? What, like one of those pink tween ones? Yeah, no. And... thanks? I am very proud of my... semicolon usage...**

_8th May 2013_

_They come in black too, Jane. You are welcome. You may want to work on your over usage of the ellipsis though._

**W 8th May 2013**

**... nah. I'll just have to hide this better. J What is an ellipsis?**

_8th May 2013_

_An ellipsis is the name for those three little dots that you have been using in abundance._

**W 8th May 2013**

**...**

_8th May 2013_

_Are you mad at me?_

**W ****_8th May 2013_**

**_...Why... would... I... be... mad... at... you... sweetie...?_**

_8th May 2013_

_Very funny. Never mind. It's just me being overly paranoid. I love you Jane and I respect your privacy. I won't peek anymore._

**W 8th May 2013**

**I love you too, you big goof ball.**

**Thursday 9th May 2013**

**Maura?**

**Friday 10th May 2013**

**Huh. Guess she's not going to respond anymore. Good. Good? Good. Right. Good.**

**Anyway. So... write about my feelings. Um, well today was a big cock up from start to finish, let's just start there. At least it's Friday. I woke up late, to a phone call about a possible homicide. So I had to get dressed and run straight out the door, only to find I had left my wallet inside. So there went my chance at picking up a coffee and some food on the way. When I got to the crime scene, I had already made up my mind that I would borrow some cash off Maura for the day, plus, if she had a coffee with her, I'd steal a bit of that as well. Anyway, got to the scene and discovered the oh so delightful Dr Pike there instead of Maura. Frost, Korsak and Frankie were all standing around looking rather irritated, and my own anger levels had shot right up after seeing Pike, so I went straight over to them and asked where the hell Maura was, and Frost told me that she had taken a sick day. Well, that worried me right away, because Maura doesn't really GET sick. Like, ever. So immediately I started thinking of other possibilities... like maybe Hope had gone over to her place and somehow hurt her feelings again, or Paddy's sidekicks had found her, or... and so, without really thinking about it, I spun around to head back to my car. And, of course, that's when the camera crews showed up.**

**"Promising young law student turns up dead, and we have exclusive footage of police detective Jane Rizzoli preparing to leave the scene without even a preliminary screening of the body and crime scene. Is this really how crime scenes are solved these days, Detective, or do you just not care anymore?"**

**Yeah. Seriously. I kid you not. So then, of course, I had to pretend that I was simply getting gloves out of my car (even though they'd been in my pocket the whole time), and I took great delight in snapping them on in front of all the cameras.**

**Assholes.**

**Anyway, so after processing the crime scene and putting up with Pike's annoying ways (I swear every time I see him, he's picked up 20 new ways to tick me off), several hours had passed, and it was close to lunch time. I still had not had coffee or food, when finally I ran into my mother.**

**"Janie! Why do you look so awful? Did you not sleep?"**

**"Gee, thanks Ma, I feel so much better after that compliment. No, actually, I slept really well. So well, in fact, that I overslept, forgot my wallet and have not had any coffee or food so far today."**

**"Oh, poor baby. I'll bring you up some food from the cafe."**

**"Hey, Ma, did you see Maura this morning?"**

**"Oh yes," Ma nodded, pursing her lips. "Poor thing looked dreadfully ill. I wanted to stay home with her but she insisted she'd be fine."**

**At which point I of course went ape shit crazy on Ma and asked her why the hell she hadn't called me, at which point Ma started accusing me of caring more about Maura than I did about her. WHATEVER.**

END CHAPTER ONE

Hi! I've split this up just so it's not so long to read all in one hit, and I'll be posting one chapter a day :-) Reviews make me happy!


	2. Chapter 2

**Saturday 11th May 2013**

**So I pleaded off work early yesterday, and went straight over to Maura's. Freaked the hell out when she didn't open the door, but thankfully she gave me a spare key ages ago which, for some reason, I always attach to my belt rather than put in my wallet like my other spare keys. So I unlocked the door and walked in and found Maura UNCONSCIOUS in the kitchen. Freaked out, called an ambulance, went with her to hospital, called Ma, started crying... it was just... BLECH. Anyway, turned out she was just severely dehydrated from a severe vomiting and diarrhoea bug that had apparently started almost the instant she got home on Thursday night. After hearing that, and seeing to it that Maura was secure for the night, I headed back to her place to do what I'm sure would be a fair amount of cleaning.**

**Even you, dear diary, will never know the lengths to which I will go for that woman. Needless to say, even as hygienic as Maura always is, there is only so much you can do when you are severely ill and... well, it was disgusting. But I was determined it would be clean for Maura's return and so it was.**

**Now Maura's home and asleep upstairs, while I'm curled up on the sofa watching old sitcom reruns.**

**I'm bored.**

**Monday 13th May 2013**

**Okay, so I forgot to write in here yesterday. ONE DAY. And the first thing Maura says when she wakes up is 'have you been writing in your journal?' So of course I lied so I wouldn't get into trouble, but Maura just raised one eyebrow at me, and being all white and pasty made her look even scarier so I had to tell her I forgot yesterday.**

**Technically I didn't forget, I just didn't have anything to write about, since most of the time I watched movies and checked on Maura. But whatever.**

**And so she goes on about how it's good for my emotional growth, and she thinks that I need it because obviously there's something that my conscious mind is suppressing but my subconscious is trying to get out, and I need to find out what that is.**

**I don't know WHY I need to find out what that is, but fine, Maura tells me to write, I'll write.**

**THERE, I WROTE NOW, ARE YOU HAPPY?**

**Ha.**

**Tuesday 14th May 2013**

**My tummy hurts. I want my mommy.**

**Friday 17th May 2013**

**SHUT UP. I feel you judging me. Yes, you're an inanimate object, but I can still feel you judging me. I'm a baby when I feel sick or in pain, okay? And I KNOW I haven't written in here for the last couple of days but even Maura can't get cross at me for that since she passed her EVIL GERM OF DOOM onto me.**

**She tried claiming it was my fault, because I insisted on staying here to keep an eye on her and the prolonged exposure almost guaranteed me catching the bug too, even if I was sure that I had completely decontaminated practically the entire house.**

**It was so her fault. She's the one who caught the bug in the first place.**

**Her fault. Nyah nyah nyah.**

**Seriously, how is it possible to feel so exhausted all the t...**

**Saturday 18th May 2013****.**

**Huh. Guess I fell asleep last night. Well, anyway. Ma stayed over to look after both of us on Wednesday, but by Thursday Maura told her that she had sufficiently recovered to look after herself and me too.**

**I think she was just getting sick of Ma.**

**But anyway, on Wednesday night, I was pretty much delirious from the evil germ of doom, but I swear I remember hearing Ma and Maura talking. It was weird and didn't make much sense but I'll make a note of it and see if it makes sense later.**

**_Ma: So why did Jane insist on staying here to look after you?_**

**_M: Oh... I don't know. She's very protective._**

**_Ma: I've never seen her this 'protective' with anyone else._**

**_*various clattering and banging sounds*_**

**_M: I... I don't understand what you're saying, Angela._**

**_Ma: You two are close, huh?_**

**_M: Well, yes. We're best friends._**

**_Ma: Is that all?_**

**_M: I... oh! Have you been talking to Giovanni?_**

**_Ma: What does Giovanni have to do with anything?_**

**_M: You... haven't talked to him?_**

**_Ma: Look, I'm just saying, I'm okay with it. And I know Frankie and Tommy will be okay too._**

**_M: Wha... um. I'm just going to go up to bed._**

**Yeah, so... weird, right? What the hell was Ma talking about?**

**Gah, who knows with that woman sometimes. Maybe it wasn't even a real conversation, maybe I dreamed it up.**

**Oh, Maura's calling me, gotta go**

**Sunday 19th May 2013**

**Boring day. Felt well enough to be on call for work, but yay, no murders today. So Maura and I both just chilled out on the couch and watched movies, eating slices of apple.**

**I wanted popcorn, but Maura insisted that apple slices would be far healthier.**

**Huh, just had a thought. Maybe Casey would have liked to do something with me today, since he hasn't seen me all week. Oh well, too late now.**

**Monday 20th May 2013**

**Really? I really have to write in here even when NOTHING HAPPENS?**

**Wow, I just totally had Maura's voice in my head for a second there. Yes, Miss Literal, I know, TECHNICALLY lots of things happened... I had coffee in the police cafe, Ma was her usual pain in the butt self, Frost and Korsak decided to have a rubber band war... (that was actually a lot of fun. Well, that is until one of the rubber bands snapped back into my face, nearly hitting my eye and making Maura lecture me for a good five minutes). But nothing terribly INTERESTING happened today. I was BORED. But I wrote in here, and that's the main thing, right?**

**END CHAPTER TWO**

Dum de dum. You know what's coming. Please review :-)


	3. Chapter 3

**Tuesday 21st May 2013**

**Well, I much prefer yesterday to today, and I officially take back any and all complaints about being bored, those verbalised and those internalised. We had a murder today, and it was one of those horrible ones. All murders are horrible, but this was a two year old girl. I don't think I'll ever forget the look on her mother's face.**

**I went down to the lab to find Maura and get the autopsy results and found her hunched over her computer, tears streaming down her face. All I could do was hug her.**

**Thank God we found the creep that did this before he could ruin the life of another family.**

**Wednesday 22nd May 2013**

**Paperwork day today, cleaning up the loose ends from yesterday. I hope it's a good long time before we have to deal with a child murder again... they always shake everyone up.**

**Maura just came upstairs.**

**"Ooh, good job writing in the diary, Jane!" she said, and I smirked.**

**"A diary? What are you, a girl?" Korsak asked, and I shot a glance at Maura before turning back to him.**

**"Uh... yeah?"**

**"I meant a teenager," Korsak started saying, but Frost's laughter drowned him out.**

**Now Maura's talking to Frost... Ooh!**

**There was a break in the conversation. Asked Maura if she'd like to come have dinner at my place tonight. She said she has a date.**

**Huh.**

**Oh, maybe I should ask Casey.**

**Thursday 23rd May 2013**

**Casey was weird last night. I was talking about work, and he got all huffy about it. Then he said the weirdest thing. "I don't mind you talking about work, but do you have to constantly talk about Maura?"**

**At which point, I of course said, "Well, uh, hello, I work with Maura. I talk about Frost and Korsak too, why aren't you getting mad about them?"**

**And then he went all quiet and said he had to go home. Weird.**

**Wonder how Maura's date went?**

**Thursday 23rd May 2013 At work**

**Apparently it didn't go so well. He was, apparently, a 'perfect male specimen' (her words, not mine) but when they got back to her place, in the middle of heavy petting, he asked her how she felt about urolagnia.**

**Tee hee.**

**He wanted to drink her pee.**

**HAHAHAHA**

**Friday 24th May 2013**

**It's Friday, there's a baseball game on tomorrow, life is sweet.**

**Maura wants to play. I told her she can watch. I might let her have one hit.**

**Nothing much to write about today.**

**Solved a murder though, so yay.**

**Saturday 25th May 2013**

**I just noticed that Ma's been looking at me weird, especially when Maura's in the room. I don't know what her deal is. She asked me why I'm over at Maura's house again. Um, cause she's my best friend, what do you think?**

**Baseball game went well. Went against my better judgement and decided to let Maura have a go. Her 'optimum batting stance' still cracks me up, but she actually managed to get a hit, and got all the way to third base before being declared 'out'. Still, I was pretty proud of her.**

**Afterwards we asked the others if they wanted to head out for celebratory drinks so we went to the Dirty Robber. Once they all left, Maura and I came back here to have another beer and watch movies. Been a good day.**

**Sunday 26th May 2013**

**Came to the sudden realization that I hadn't heard from Casey since Wednesday night so gave him a quick call. He was still weird on the phone.**

**_C: "You been hanging out with Maura today?"_**

**_J: "Yeah, was so much fun, we played baseball and she actually managed to hit the ball! Then we went out for drinks afterwards and..."_**

**_C: "Great. Did you spend time with her on Friday too?"_**

**_J: "We work together."_**

**_C: "I meant after work."_**

**_J: "Yeah, we had a few drinks down at the Dirty Robber, why?"_**

**_C: "No reason. Gotta go. Bye."_**

**_J: "Okay, love y... *dial tone*"_**

**So yeah, that was weird. Maybe he was busy or something.**

**Monday 27th May 2013**

**You know, I just came to the realization that I have actually written in this diary everyday for 13 days! Well, technically it's only 11, because I missed a couple of days but I was sick and so it wasn't my fault.**

**It's amazing the things Maura manages to get me to do. Speaking of, time for yoga. Sigh.**

**Tuesday 28th May 2013**

**I slept funny last night and my neck is stiff and sore today. Not really good, especially if for some reason, I have to chase a suspect or something. Might go down to see Maura and get her to massage it for me.**

**Wednesday 29th May 2013**

**I wonder if I am doing this diary thing right, after all? Sometimes my entries are nothing more than a couple of sentences. Should I be writing down everything that happened throughout a day?**

**29th May 2013 LATER**

**Maura said no, just to write about whatever I want, and the entries can be as short or as long as I wish. Well, that's good, because sometimes I don't have much time, and sometimes there's just not much to write about. She asked me how I was going with making an entry daily. Proudly told her that I was now up to my 16****th**** consecutive entry, and she smiled at me and told me 'good job'.**

**Again, technically it was only 14 consecutive days but 16 sounds MUCH better, and Maura is proud of me so there you go.**

**Thursday 30th May 2013**

**Picked up Maura for work and she insisted on listening to her music. Now I've got some weird song bouncing around my head. It's very annoying.**

**Hmm, maybe I'll ask if I can borrow the CD.**

**Friday 31st May 2013**

**Heard a weird conversation today. Frankie and Frost were chatting in the office just as I was about to walk in, and I heard Maura's name so I stopped to listen.**

**Huh. They both start with Fr. Okay, F is Frankie, B is for Barold (teehee)**

**_F: Yeah, I used to have a crush on Maura_**

**_B: You don't anymore?_**

**_F: Nah. Jane went crazy when Tommy made the moves on Maura, I'd rather not be the cause of my big sister's wrath. She can be kinda scary._**

**_B: Kinda?_**

**_F: *laughs* Yeah, okay._**

**_B: So what's the deal with them anyway?_**

**_F: Oh, you mean... *pause in which I assume Frankie is mouthing something or making a hand movement that I can't see*_**

**_B: Yeah_**

**_F: Who knows. You'd know just as well as I do, if not better._**

**_B: Why would I know better?_**

**_F: You see them interact all the time._**

**_B: Doesn't tell me anything though._**

**_F: Well, they're doing a good job of keeping it under wraps if they are._**

**_B: Yes. And... well, I mean, they HAVE to be... right?_**

**_F: Yeah. The way they look at each other? They're either completely in denial or... yeah, no, they're together._**

**Huh. I wonder if Tommy's been making the moves on Maura again.**

**Nah. Maura would tell me. **

**Wouldn't she?**

**Crap. I need to talk to Tommy.**

**Saturday 1st June 2013**

**Well, wait, when would Frost get a chance to see Maura and Tommy interact? Nah. Sure I'm overreacting. Frost and Frankie had probably changed the subject, and I just got confused by the pause or something.**

**1st June 2013**

**I AM overreacting.**

**1st June 2013**

**What if I'm NOT overreacting?**

**1st June 2013**

**It's okay. I'm overreacting. Maura laughed and told me no when I asked if she was still pursuing a relationship with Tommy. She can't lie, so all is good.**

**1st June 2013**

**Wait, what if they were talking about Maura and somebody else?**

**1st June 2013**

**Just rang up Maura again. Casually asked her how her love life was going. She immediately became suspicious. "Why are you asking?"**

**"I'm... curious?"**

**"Uh huh." She waited for a long time, till I burst out with:**

**"Fine, I heard a conversation that made it seem like you were involved with someone and I wondered why you hadn't told me."**

**"I'm not involved with anyone, Jane."**

**"Oh. But..."**

**"No buts, Jane. My last date was with the pee man, as you have so aptly dubbed him, and I have not had a chance to pursue any other interests."**

**So all good there. Don't know what the hell Frost and Frankie were talking about, but obviously they need to check their sources.**

**END CHAPTER THREE**

Yup, you know the drill by now. Please review :-) I will love you forever :-)


	4. Chapter 4

**Sunday 2nd June 2013**

**Stayed at Maura's last night. She woke up at 5:30am, bright and bubbly and ready for a run. I pleaded exhaustion. I said no running today. I was very firm and resolute.**

**My legs are tired from the run.**

**Don't know how she does that to me.**

**Anyway, Maura told me that it's now been exactly a month since she gave me this diary, so I now need to read back over all of my entries so I can see if anything pops out at me.**

**"It's not a pop-up book, Maura," I wise-cracked, and Maura just rolled her eyes.**

**"No, I mean things that you commonly talk about. What are the similarities in your diary entries? Hopefully we can pinpoint a reason for the stress that has been appearing in your micro-expressions as of late."**

**So I've humoured her. Let me see:**

**Work: has been mentioned 4 times**

**Ma: has been mentioned 3 times**

**Frankie: has been mentioned 2 times**

**Frost: has been mentioned 3 times**

**Korsak: has been mentioned 4 times**

**Casey: has been mentioned 4 times**

**Maura: has been mentioned 25 times (not including the times she was writing in my diary at the beginning)**

**Huh.**

**2nd June 2013**

**Well, whatever. She's my best friend. Of course I'm going to talk about her a lot.**

**2nd June 2013**

**I mean, it's normal to talk about your best friend in your diary.**

**2nd June 2013**

**It IS normal... right?**

**2nd June 2013**

**Whatever. Not going to think about it. Going to call Casey.**

**2nd June 2013**

**...I think I just got dumped.**

**2nd June 2013**

**Really? I mean, REALLY? So I haven't called him in a week, he hasn't called me either! Well... he did leave a message on Wednesday, but Maura and I had dinner together and by the time I got back home it was too late to call him back. But still.**

**2nd June 2013**

**And, hello, what was the deal with him asking about Maura when I said I'd been too busy to be in contact? Yes, of course I've seen Maura, I WORK with her. What is so hard to comprehend about that?**

**2nd June 2013**

**Told Maura about Casey. I think she thinks that I'm really upset or something cause she told me she was coming straight over and hung the phone up before I could tell her that I'm really okay.**

**Oh well, be good to see her anyway.**

**2nd June 2013**

**Crap, just had a thought. What if she wants to psychoanalyse my diary? Wonder what she'd make of the fact that most of the time I talk about her?**

**Maybe I should start pretending to cry so that she's distracted and doesn't even think about it?**

**Crap, I wish I could cry on cue.**

**Monday 3****rd**** June 2013**

**All good. She'd forgotten about psychoanalysing my diary. Instead, she gave me a hug when she opened the door, and asked me if I wanted to talk about what happened with Casey. I told her that I didn't want to talk about it, and she said to me that's okay, just whenever you're ready.**

**Kinda don't think I'll ever really want to talk about it, because I'm actually okay that he broke up with me. I KNOW. But I hardly ever saw him, and I didn't have much time free to spend with him, and he was getting kinda weird about me spending time with Maura. I kinda think he would have given me an ultimatum at some point... him or Maura.**

**I don't even want to think about that.**

**Anyway, so after I said I didn't want to talk about it, Maura decided to go for the distraction route and got all excited, telling me how delighted I'd be with what she brought over.**

**It was a documentary.**

**About bugs.**

**But Maura was so excited, thinking she'd done this really sweet thing for me, so even though I couldn't stop myself from going 'Really, Maura? Bugs? You thought BUGS would make me feel better?' I still put it in the DVD player and sat down to watch it, because I knew it would make Maura happy. I even pretended to be interested in it... until I fell asleep on Maura's shoulder, that is. I don't remember what happened after that, except I woke up tucked into my own bed this morning with a note by my pillow saying 'See you at work (I'll have your coffee waiting). –Maura LLBFF'**

**:-)**

**Tuesday 4****th**** June 2013**

**Crap. Maura just sent a message. 'My apologies, Jane, I forgot to ask about your diary! I will come over tonight to talk to you about it.'**

**Should I lie?**

**4****th**** June 2013**

**No, why would I lie? There's nothing wrong with writing about Maura.**

**4****th**** June 2013**

**No, I will lie. What if she thinks that she's the reason I'm stressing?**

**4****th**** June 2013**

**But that's not fair, she can't lie to me.**

**4****th**** June 2013**

**It's not MY fault she can't lie to me though. I CAN lie. So why wouldn't I take advantage of it?**

**4****th**** June 2013**

**Seems wrong though.**

**4****th**** June 2013**

**Is it horribly wrong to wish for a murder right now?**

**Oh my God, I'm going straight to hell for wishing that.**

**4****th**** June 2013**

**Home time. Maura will be over at my place within half an hour. Shit.**

**Wednesday 5****th**** June 2013**

**Well, that was interesting. Last night Maura came over, and the first thing out of her mouth was about my diary. Had been obsessing the whole way home about what to do, eventually decided to carefully print out the similarities in my diary entries, just in case I... well, actually, I don't know why I did it. I WAS NOT going to show her, but I copied them out anyway. I updated them too. This is the updated list:**

**Work: has been mentioned 4 times**

**Ma: has been mentioned 3 times**

**Frankie: has been mentioned 2 times**

**Frost: has been mentioned 3 times**

**Korsak: has been mentioned 4 times**

**Casey: has been mentioned 6 times**

**Maura: has been mentioned 29 times (not including the times she was writing in my diary at the beginning)**

**Maura came in, asked about my conclusions based on my journal entries and I stared at her, opening and shutting my mouth like a goddamned fish for a couple of seconds. Eventually I pulled the list that I was ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY NOT going to give to Maura... and gave it to Maura. I then felt the urge to slap myself, but quickly crossed my arms against my chest instead. Must have jerked weirdly or something though as Maura gave me a weird look before turning her gaze down to the list. Could see the exact moment she came to the bottom of the list as her mouth opened in a small 'o' shop and her eyes went wide.**

**"You write about me a lot then."**

**And I got all defensive and said "Yeah. So?"**

**So she said that it was perfectly understandable, that she has come to the conclusion that she herself writes more about me that any other person in her life (or persons in her life combined, which was kinda hilarious until she pointed out that it was same thing for me: work, Korsak, Frost etc equalling 22 mentions which is still far behind her 29 mentions) and rambled on about how natural it is because we're best friends that work together, etc. But then I started wondering what she writes about me.**

**I didn't even know she had a diary. Where the hell does she keep it?**

**5****th**** June 2013**

**I mean, damn, I carry this thing around like a security blanket now. WHERE THE HELL IS HERS?**

**5****th**** June 2013**

**Is it kinda weird that I'm so attached to this thing now?**

**5****th**** June 2013**

**Hm. Wonder what she says about me in her diary?**

**Thursday 6****th**** June 2013**

**Humph. Casually asked Maura what kind of things she writes about in her diary as I still wasn't sure I was doing this right. She told me that no matter how much I asked, she wasn't going to tell me what she writes about me.**

**Humph. As though that was what I was after. I mean, really.**

**END CHAPTER FOUR**

*hands out cookies to lovely reviewers*


	5. Chapter 5

**Friday 7****th**** June 2013**

**Yay, a murder to distract me!**

**Oh crap, I mean, oh no, a murder...**

**You know what, fuck it; I'll worry about my eternal soul later.**

**Okay, look, it's just that there are good sides and bad sides to every situation. I choose to look at the bright side. This way, I am distracted from my thoughts about Maura's diary, and I get to figure out how to put another scumbag in jail. Win-win.**

**Sucks to be the dead guy though.**

**7****th**** June 2013**

**HA HA HE'S DEAD. Bastard.**

**Sorry. Why the hell am I apologizing to a diary? GAH. Anyway. The guy who died today (wait, no, we found him today but he died yesterday according to Maura) was a leader of this massive black market who dealt in human organs. Someone would come along who had the cash, this guy would get his doctor buddy to find someone whose DNA was compatible with the hopeful organ recipient, then this guy would hunt down this particular person and carefully pull the organ out of their still alive body, take it away in a refrigerated truck and leave the unwilling donor to die, usually in a ditch filled with other bodies. Sometimes these deaths were slow and unbelievably agonizing, sometimes they were very quick and unbelievably agonizing, depending on what organ he needed to take.**

**Bastards like that make me sick.**

**We're processing the 12****th**** body now. There's still more to go.**

**Maura's called in other medical examiners to assist her in collecting evidence off the bodies and establishing their identities, thank God. I'd be worried if she was trying to do it all herself. At least we'll be able to give some families some closure.**

**Heading out to the Dirty Robber tonight with Maura, Frost and Korsak and possibly Frankie. Can't wait to just relax after this week. Thank God I'm not on call this weekend. Might get a bit tipsy tonight in celebration.**

**7****th**** June 2013**

**Frankie trying to. cut me off. Alcohol. Good. Bad brother. Haven't had that much. to drink.**

**7****th**** June 2013**

**I love Maura. Have I ever. Told you that, my dear. dear diary? She is so. I can't even. Really. It's ridiculous how she... is. Beautiful. She's so. Stunning. Love her.**

**Saturday 8****th**** June 2013**

**My head hurts**

**8****th**** June 2013**

**Think that maybe I relaxed a bit TOO much last night.**

**8****th**** June 2013**

**Finally lifted head off pillow to see glass of water, aspirin and note sitting on bedside table. Immediately started thinking that I need to thank Maura for being awesome, picked up note after taking aspirin and noticed it was from Frankie. This is what it said:**

**_Hey sis, you can thank me later for dragging your drunken ass home. Call Maura. You guys need to talk. Love you. –Frankie_**

**WHY do Maura and I need to talk?**

**8****th**** June 2013**

**... just read last night's entry. I... just... WHAAAAT...?!**

**8****th**** June 2013**

**Just tried calling Frankie. Bastard wouldn't help me at all.**

**_J: Why do I need to call Maura?_**

**_F: You are welcome Jane; it was my pleasure to drag my drunk sister home after a few too many drinks. Good morning to you too, also._**

**_J: What, really? Okay, fine, good morning, thanks for dragging my drunk ass home after drinking too much last night, blah, blah, blah, now why do I need to call Maura?_**

**_F: Have you called her yet?_**

**_J: No, I haven't 'called her yet', if I had 'called her yet', I wouldn't be calling you!_**

**_F: You need to talk to Maura._**

**_J: WHY do I need to talk to Maura?_**

**_F: She'll tell you._**

**_J: TELL ME WHAT?_**

**_F: What do you remember of last night?_**

**_J: ...Not a whole lot._**

**_F: Hmm. Well, you need to talk to Maura._**

**_J: Why? Is she mad at me? What did I do?_**

**_F: I don't think she's mad, exactly... maybe a bit upset. She'll tell you._**

**_J: TELL ME WHAT?_**

**_F: What she needs to tell you._**

**_J: FRANKIE!_**

**_F: No, Jane. It's not up to me. You need to talk to Maura._**

**_J: GAH! Fine! Goodbye!_**

**And now I'm staring at the phone trying to drum up the courage to call my best friend.**

**8****th**** June 2013**

**Surely I wouldn't have done anything THAT bad.**

**8****th**** June 2013**

**Right?**

**8****th**** June 2013**

**No, of course I wouldn't have done anything bad.**

**8****th**** June 2013**

**Oh God, what if I made her angry with me?**

**8****th**** June 2013**

**Or worse, I made her cry?**

**8****th**** June 2013**

**Right. That's it. I'm calling her.**

**8****th**** June 2013**

**Right now.**

**8****th**** June 2013**

**After I brush my teeth. And my hair.**

**8****th**** June 2013**

**Oh for God's sake. Jane, you are a homicide detective. Your best friend is Maura. She cannot lie, and she wouldn't hurt a fly. You are a coward and you need to call her.**

**...**

**DO IT NOW.**

**8****th**** June 2013**

**Conversation went like this:**

**_M: Hello Jane._**

**_J: Umm... hi._**

**_*long pause*_**

**_J: So... crazy night last night, hey?_**

**_M: Hmm. What makes you say that?_**

**_J: Uh... I just... look, I KNOW I drank way too much, because I can't remember and my head hurts so... I figured it was a crazy night?_**

**_M: Depends upon your definition of 'crazy' I suppose._**

**_*another long pause*_**

**_J: Frankie told me I needed to call you and talk to you._**

**_M: Hmm._**

**_J: Why do I need to call you and talk to you?_**

**_M: You don't remember?_**

**_J: Maura! I just SAID I don't remember._**

**_M: Oh. Right. He didn't tell you anything then?_**

**_J: He... no._**

**_*long pause*_**

**_J: Are you mad at me? Do I need to apologize? I'm sorry._**

**_M: I'm not angry with you, Jane._**

**_J: Did I upset you then?_**

**_M: Hmm. No, you didn't upset me last night._**

**_J: But I'm upsetting you now?_**

**_M: *silence for 7 seconds. Yes, I counted.* I'm rather tired._**

**_J: So that's a yes._**

**_M: *heavy sigh* Yes, but I'm also stating that the reason for my distress may be partially due to my state of exhaustion._**

**_J: Maura..._**

**_M: Yes, Jane?_**

**_J: What happened last night?_**

**_M: ... I'm sure you'll figure it out sooner or later._**

**_J: Do my gumshoe thing, you mean? (Note: I am expecting a laugh at this. None is forthcoming)_**

**_M: I rather think that not much will be needed in the way of 'gumshoe'-ing on your behalf. See you on Monday._**

**_J: I... but... um. Okay. Bye._**

**_*dial tone*_**

**END CHAPTER FIVE**

Reviewers are awesome :-P


	6. Chapter 6

**8****th**** June 2013**

**Really? I'm not going to see her till MONDAY? That is a long time to be sitting here alone with my guilt.**

**What am I even going to DO all weekend?**

**What did I used to do before I met Maura? I honestly don't remember.**

**8****th**** June 2013**

**I have no food in the house except cereal.**

**8****th**** June 2013**

**Fuck it, I'm going to Maura's. She always has food. Even if it's that icky stuff that's supposed to be so good for me. At least it's food.**

**8****th**** June 2013**

**I'm in the kitchen at Maura's place while she's in the bathroom. I knocked on the door to her place, and her hand went straight to her neck when she opened the door. I tried to see if there were any hives forming but I couldn't see any, so I don't know what she was covering u... oh, she's back.**

**8****th**** June 2013**

**Why does Maura have an orange spot on her neck?**

**8****th**** June 2013**

**I asked her. Her hand went straight up to it, and she told me, "Oh... it's not that important," but she was acting weird so I said "Maura" and she did her little flustered thing and didn't answer, so I deliberately put my drink down on the bench without a coaster and Maura freaked out, flapping her hands. It was kind of hilarious, but don't tell her I said that. Anyway, while she was reaching for a coaster, I got a good look at the orange spot on her neck and concluded that it was makeup. It had apparently been applied to cover up the hickey on Maura's neck (and it did not do a very good job of covering it, might I add). So I confronted her and her red face told me I was right. She refused to say anything more about it, so I asked her what we needed to talk about, and she put her hand back to her neck and told me she wasn't feeling well and wasn't really up to company. So now I'm at home, wondering who gave her the hickey. I wish I could remember last night.**

**8****th**** June 2013**

**Spent the last two hours meditating (read: sitting and staring blankly at wall, with occasional bursts of actual focus) so I could hopefully relax my brain enough to recall last night. Didn't work. Might just head to bed early tonight. Sleep is supposed to relax you and encourage recovery of memory, isn't it?**

**Sunday 9****th**** June 2013**

**Haha that was a weird dream.**

**9****th**** June 2013**

**It WAS a dream... wasn't it?**

**9****th**** June 2013**

**Okay, so... I just called Maura to tell her my weird dream and ask her opinion and she got really weird and hung up the phone very abruptly. So I called Frankie.**

**Conversation went like this:**

**_J: Hey_**

**_F: Two phone calls in one weekend? What have you done this time?_**

**_J: Nothing! ...I went to see Maura._**

**_F: Uh huh. And?_**

**_J: And nothing. *pause* She has a hickey._**

**_F: Yes, she does._**

**_J: And I had a dream about it._**

**_F: About her hickey?_**

**_J: Yes._**

**_F: So?_**

**_J: It was probably only cause I was thinking about it. Wondering who gave it to her, you know?_**

**_F: What was probably only cause you were thinking about it? The dream? Or the hickey?_**

**_J: I mean, it's fairly common, right? To have dreams about your colleagues, friends, etc..._**

**_F: Of course. Common. *suppressed snicker*_**

**_J: *whining* Frankie._**

**_F: *falsetto whining* Janie._**

**_J: Tell me it's normal._**

**_F: What did you dream about?_**

**_J: I... don't want to tell you._**

**_F: Jane._**

**_J: IdreamtIgaveherthehickeyallright?_**

**_F: Yeah, okay, wanna take a deep breath and repeat that slowly?_**

**_J: I SAID. That I DREAMT. I gave her the HICKEY. ALL RIGHT?_**

**_F: Ah, so you do remember Friday night then._**

**_J: I... wait, what? Remember? I didn... I... she... Mau... did I... I DID THAT?_**

**_F: Oops, gotta go Janie. Good luck! *loud laughter before dial tone sounds in ear*_**

**_J: *ignoring dial tone* FRANKIE, YOU BETTER NOT HAVE JUST HUNG UP ON ME._**

**9****th**** June 2013**

**Seriously? CRAP.**

**9****th**** June 2013**

**Maybe he was lying.**

**9****th**** June 2013**

**Okay, but Frankie never lies to me. Shit shit shit shit shit.**

**9****th**** June 2013**

**Okay. Relax. Today is Sunday. It is now... 11:04am. That means there's like... a good few hours between now and when I have to see Maura next. Nearly 24. 21 maybe. I don't know, I can't be expected to do math when I'm this distracted.**

**Okay, it will be fine. I just have to think of reasons I gave Maura a hickey, and act totally normal.**

**Maybe I'll say I thought she was Casey.**

**But I've never given Casey a hickey, and we're now broken up.**

**Shit shit shit.**

**9****th**** June 2013**

**Fuck, I just remembered that Maura is upset with me.**

**9****th**** June 2013**

**Why is she upset though? Cause I marked her and (presumably) groped her without her permission?**

**Or because I stopped? And then proceeded to forget it happened? No no no, wouldn't be this one.**

**9****th**** June 2013**

**Must be the first option. I'd be pretty upset if someone gave me a hickey without my permission.**

**9****th**** June 2013**

**Okay, but in the dream, she had pretty much given me her permission, judging by her groans and the way her back was arching. And according to Frankie, my dream was actually a memory.**

**Wow, all of a sudden I can't seem to get comfortable. Weird.**

**9****th**** June 2013**

**Okay, so after spending the last hour staring at the wall, I have come to the conclusion that I will just not act differently around Maura tomorrow. That'll be fairly easy, right? Just pretending that everything is normal?**

**Of course it will be easy. Nothing has really changed.**

**Except that Maura has a hickey. That I gave her.**

**I don't remember actually kissing her though. Wonder why I didn't?**

**9****th**** June 2013**

**Spent the whole afternoon staring at the phone, alternating between willing it to ring, and trying to summon up the courage to call her. Finally picked up the phone and called Ma.**

**_Ma: Hello?_**

**_J: Hey Ma, it's me_**

**_Ma: Hey Janie, how are you feeling baby?_**

**_J: Wha... I'm fine. Ma, why are you asking me how I'm feeling?_**

**_Ma: *suspicious silence*_**

**_J: Oh my God Ma, Frankie talked to you, didn't he?_**

**_Ma: Maybe._**

**_J: MA!_**

**_Ma: His phone conversation with you sounded interesting, so I asked._**

**_J: Oh... are you kidding me? He was THERE when I rang him?_**

**_Ma: I always cook him breakfast when he works night shifts._**

**_J: Frankie wasn't on nights last night._**

**_Ma: Oh. Oh well, it's nice to see my children from time to time outside of work. *COMPLETELY subtle hint*_**

**_J: You see me. Sometimes. You know, when I... see you._**

**_Ma: Uh huh._**

**_J: *frustrated sigh* so, what did he tell you?_**

**_Ma: Nothing._**

**_J: Ma._**

**_Ma: He said that something happened between you and Maura._**

**_J: *silence*_**

**_Ma: He said you came on to Maura._**

**_J: Oh my... REALLY? God damn it! Okay, first of all, I did not COME ON to her, I just... kissed her. On the neck. Apparently._**

**_Ma: Really._**

**_J: I was DRUNK, Ma, okay?_**

**_Ma: You know, Dr Isles says that sometimes inebriation lets loose hidden desires. When under the influence of alcohol, one tends to lose their inhibitions and act on their fantasies._**

**_J: ... you are no longer allowed to hang out with Maura, you sound too much like her._**

**_Ma: *frustrated sigh* Look, Janie, I'm just saying that it's okay. Maura is a fantastic woman. She's funny, she's smart, she has a good job, you trust her, and, let's face it, the woman is sexy. _**

**_J: *interrupts* Really?_**

**_Ma: *continues as though I had not spoken* So if you decide to pursue a relationship with her, you have my full approval._**

**_J: ... I'm not talking about this with you, Ma. I'm going now._**

**_Ma: Janie! Wait!_**

**_J: Gah... YES?_**

**_Ma: If you decide NOT to pursue a relationship... *trails off into silence*_**

**_J: Which is COMPLETELY none of your business..._**

**_Ma: I'm just saying, if you decide not to pursue a relationship, let her down easy. She... she hurts easy._**

**_J: I KNOW that, Ma, she's MY friend, remember?_**

**_Ma: I know, I'm just... she will be... upset. Really upset. So be nice. Goodbye Janie, love you._**

**_J: What do you mean she'll be upset? Ma? *dial tone* MA! Are you saying she likes me? DAMNIT._**

**Yeah, so now my head hurts. Another early night for me, I think.**

**END CHAPTER SIX**

I wasn't intending to post this till tomorrow, but I got lots of lovely reviews. Soo... I posted it early for y'all! :-) Anyways, you know the drill! Please review! :-)


	7. Chapter 7

**Monday 10****th**** June 2013**

**Crappy night sleep last night. Couldn't stop thinking about Friday night, and subsequent conversations with my family over the course of the weekend. Wonder if life is really meant to be this difficult. Didn't call Maura... am coward. Will see her at work today, anyway.**

**10****th**** June 2013**

**Was very brave. Went down to see Maura and ask her if she wanted to have lunch with me. She said no, she had already eaten.**

**10****th**** June 2013**

**Got back from lunch just in time to see Maura sneaking back in from what seemed to be her lunch break.**

**What the hell?**

**10****th**** June 2013**

**Went downstairs to see if Maura wants to have dinner together tonight. She said no. Again. I asked why, she told me she was thinking of making plans.**

**I can only remember one other time Maura has declined a meal with me (though actually, in this instance it was a coffee) and that was when Ian was in town.**

**Wonder if he's back.**

**Not that it matters. Obviously. **

**10****th**** June 2013**

**Work's over. Nothing exciting today, just catching up on paperwork. Going to go to Ma's place for dinner.**

**10****th**** June 2013**

**Ma lives in Maura's guest house. That means, it's pretty damn obvious to Ma and her visitors when Maura is home. MAURA WAS HOME TONIGHT. She didn't make plans. I checked my phone. She didn't call me to tell me she hadn't made plans. Asked Ma if Maura had had any visitors the last couple of days. She said no. So I went over there and knocked on the door rather loudly, then let myself in (because no matter how many times I tell her, she always ALWAYS forgets to lock the door!). Conversation went like this:**

**_J: What the hell, Maura?_**

**_M: Oh! Jane... I... um. Hi._**

**_J: Don't you 'Jane' me, what the hell is going on? You said you had plans._**

**_M: No, to be precise I said I was thinking of MAKING plans._**

**_J: *scoffs* Tom-ay-toe, tom-ah-toe, Maura. You said you were thinking of making plans so we couldn't have dinner together._**

**_M: Yes. But I didn't make plans._**

**_J: So why didn't you call me?_**

**_M: ... *sigh*... I'm feeling a bit tired, Jane, I was thinking about having an early night._**

**_J: Ah ah, no. No no no. You were THINKING about having an early night? You know, for someone who can't lie, you sure are good at bending the truth._**

**_M: I WAS thinking of turning in early!_**

**_J: So why didn't you invite me over and kick me out early?_**

**_M: I... I..._**

**_J: Hmmm?_**

**_M: *is clearly frustrated. Moves around picking up random objects and putting them down again in a different spot* I... I don't know, Jane._**

**_J: You DO know, and don't say you don't. Hives, Maura._**

**_M: *is holding a small box. She suddenly slams it down on bench and whirls around to face me* You want to know the real reason I didn't want to have dinner with you Jane?_**

**_J: *opens and shuts mouth in shock* ... Yes. Yes, I do want to know._**

**_M: Because of this. *holds hair back from neck*_**

**_J: *stares in disbelief (and possibly some pride) at rather well formed hickey* I... what?_**

**_M: Because you gave it to me, and you've been avoiding me ever since._**

**_J: *frowns* I have NOT been avoiding you! You've been avoiding me_**

**_M: You didn't call me, you didn't remember..._**

**_J: *interjects* NOT my fault!_**

**_M:*continues* ... what happened, you came over and paraded yourself in front of me..._**

**_J: I hardly 'paraded'... more like I 'stole food'..._**

**_M: ... and laughed at me for having a hickey THAT YOU GAVE TO ME, then called up the next morning laughing about this 'totally ridiculous' dream you had, in which you had given me said hickey._**

**_J: Wait, wait, no no no, YOU are the one who's been avoiding ME. Frankie left me a note telling me to call you, so I did and you wouldn't tell me what happened! Then you told me you'd see me on Monday, which, gee, sounds an awful lot like avoiding to me. Then I went over to your place to get something to eat, you practically kicked me out when I asked you who gave you the hickey. Then when I called you to tell you about the dream, you got all weird and hung up!_**

**_M: Because you said it was ridiculous!_**

**_J: That's... I don't know, Maura, that's just what I say when I'm uncomfortable._**

**_M: Whatever, Jane. I'm sorry that this whole experience has been so UNCOMFORTABLE for you then._**

**_J: Maura..._**

**_M: I would like it if you would kindly leave my house now, Jane._**

**_J: Wha...? Maura!_**

**_M: Now._**

**_J: *shakes head in bewilderment* Fine. Fine, I'll go. *stalks back over to doorway.* Oh, Maura, one more thing? *waits till Maura looks up* *steadfastly avoids looking at Maura's teary eyes* LOCK THE DAMN DOOR. *slams door shut*_**

**Yeah, so, that was fun.**

**Tuesday 11****th**** June 2013**

**I hate fighting with Maura.**

**11****th**** June 2013**

**Maura came up to talk to us about what she found on the latest vic. We started sniping at each other. Korsak and Frost both groaned in unison and asked us why the hell we were fighting this time. Didn't answer.**

**Wednesday 12****th**** June 2013**

**Work is boring without Maura to entertain me. Busy, but boring.**

**Thursday 13****th**** June 2013**

**Caught the perp. Yay. I'm so excited I could just shi... yeah, you know. Sigh.**

**Friday 14****th**** June 2013**

**Maura came upstairs. Looked at Frost, Korsak and Frankie and asked them if they were going to the Dirty Robber tonight. They all looked at me. I sighed, shook my head. "I'm going home, guys." Avoided the guilty looks they were all sending me, looked at Maura on the way out. "Have fun," I whispered, and she nodded ever so slightly, a frown on her face.**

**Saturday 15****th**** June 2013**

**Just rang Frankie asking if he wanted to do something this weekend, but he's busy. Tommy's looking after T.J. and spending some time with Lydia, Ma's got some weird market thing she's going to today, and... I don't really have any friends. Except maybe for Frost and Korsak.**

**And Maura.**

**15****th**** June 2013**

**Just rang up to ask if I could be on call this weekend. Got told it would throw the roster out too much at this point, but they'd keep me in mind.**

**I'm pathetic.**

**Sunday 16****th**** June 2013**

**It just hit me that I don't actually need to write in this anymore. I'm on the third last page now anyway, and I can't see Maura buying me a new one, so I guess that means no more diary.**

**Wonder if I could figure out what was stressing me out by reading back over the pages?**

**16****th**** June 2013**

**Up to page 20. I talk about Maura a lot. Like, a LOT, a lot.**

**16****th**** June 2013**

**Heh, just found out where Casey broke up with me. Kinda no surprise there, I really wasn't very invested in the relationship.**

**16****th**** June 2013**

**Though it is kinda surprising that I told him I didn't have the time to spend with him, and yet I was able to spend lots and lots of time with Maura.**

**16****th**** June 2013**

**I lost count what page I'm up to, but it's about halfway. The similarities in my entries page. I write about Maura a lot. The numbers would probably be even greater here. It'd be like work/Frankie/Ma etc: 36 mentions, Maura: 1 billion mentions.**

**16th June 2013**

**Oh.**

**16****th**** June 2013**

**Oh holy fuck.**

**16****th**** June 2013**

**Just read back through the whole diary again, particularly reading those entries with overheard conversations. I just... wow.**

**16****th**** June 2013**

**How could I have been so blind? Everyone else saw it!**

**16****th**** June 2013**

**I... I don't even know if I can write this. I love Maura Isles. I love her. I am in love with Maura Isles. And, unless I'm very much mistaken, she is in love with me.**

**Oh holy fuck.**

**16****th**** June 2013**

**I know what I'm going to do now, and I'm almost ready to go, but I've got to put this one quick entry in before I do. I am going to go to Maura's house. I am going to knock, and leave this diary (wrapped up) on her front step. I am going to leave a note on top asking her to read it.**

**And now for the most important part...**

**Maura,**

**You are an amazing person. You are quirky, you are funny, you get me, and I trust you. I come to you when I feel like I need protection. I come to you to get away from my family. I come to you because you are my best friend, and because I'm beginning to not know who I am without you.**

**God, I swear this note sounded less sappy in my head.**

**I hate when you are mad at me. I hate it even more when you are upset with me. So I'm asking you now, if anything of what you just read touched you, then please, please take a chance with me.**

**I am sorry for the way I made you feel. I didn't know then what I know now. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I honestly didn't realize I was in love with you. And I am.**

**I am in love with you, Maura I-am-a-huge-adorable-geek Isles.**

**I love you. Please call me.**

**Love, Jane.**

**Xoxo**

**END CHAPTER SEVEN**

:-) Please review. I thought about leaving it here but I decided it was too cruel, so one more chapter to go :-)


	8. Epilogue

Final chapter peeps! It's been a blast, hope you've enjoyed it as much as I have :-)

**17****th**** July 2013**

**One month. It has been one whole month since I last wrote in a diary, and, believe it or not, I was actually starting to miss it. Even though I figured out what was causing me to have stress in my 'micro-expressions' (sexual frustration plus, you know, EXTREME denial over my feelings), I still enjoy the release of writing about my day in a diary. Plus, it's kinda fun to read back over it all to see what happened throughout the day/week/month etc.**

**Well, I guess you're wondering what happened with the note, huh? Yes, I know you're an inanimate object, blah blah blah but there's still that little girl part of me that thinks maybe you're not, maybe you actually get invested in the lives of the people who write in you, and maybe you're desperately curious.**

**So, here it is. It took all of my strength to wrap my old diary up and drive it over to Maura's house. Even more to take it to the front door, ring the doorbell and run away as fast as I could. I watched in my rearview mirror as Maura opened the door, staring in abject confusion at my retreating vehicle, then down at the wrapped diary. She stooped down to pick it up (I pulled over at this point, sensible enough to realize that I couldn't drive if I was staring in the rearview mirror), and I could see or maybe I could just imagine, her eyes moving back and forth as she read the note on top of the package. I had made it very plain.**

**"Please read me. I'm sorry. I miss you. -Jane"**

**I wondered vaguely whether she might just throw it into the bushes and head back inside but no, she tucked it to her chest instead, holding it with both hands, nodded down the road towards me and walked inside. I started my car up again and pulled away from the side of the road, desperate to get home and wait for my phone call.**

**It never came. Not that day anyway. I woke up the next morning with my cheek plastered to the kitchen table by a thin layer of drool, my phone laying still and silent next to me. I woke up, rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and the drool off my cheek, before pouncing on my phone. I half expected to see messages, missed phone calls, but my phone stared back at me blankly, accusingly. I wanted to cry. I worried that I had screwed up our friendship. I worried that I had read her all wrong. I worried that I had just lost the best friend I had ever had, and the most meaningful relationship that I ever would have. For the first time in all my time as a detective, I felt tempted to call in sick when I wasn't actually sick. I didn't though, I still went to work. Korsak and Frost quickly learnt of my foul temper though, and soon the whole of the BPD were giving me a wide berth. I didn't mind though. The only person I really wanted to talk to was Maura, and that was looking more and more unlikely to ever happen again. At one point I headed down to the morgue just to look at her, but all I caught was a glimpse of honey blonde hair disappearing into her office before the door slammed shut and I heard the lock turn. Susie came up at that point. This was our conversation:**

_**S: Detective Rizzoli? Is there anything I can help you with? (note: I must have glared at her or something as she flinched away when I turned to look at her)**_

_**J: Susie. Was that Maura going into her office?**_

_**S: I... yes... but... *I strode forward to the office door, raising my hand to pound on it* *Susie caught up to me and grabbed my fist in her hand before it could make contact with the wood***_

_**J: Let go**_

_**S: *shakes head* Dr Isles has requested no visits from you today, Detective Rizzoli.**_

_**J: *growls* Why?**_

_**S: *hesitantly* She says that she is in a vulnerable place emotionally, and would prefer to be stronger before she attempts conversing with you.**_

_**J: That's bullshit... *lifts hand again to knock at door***_

_**S: *catches fist again* Please!**_

_**J: *pause* Fine. *is gritted out* *glare at office door***_

**That night I went to get in my car and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Maura's car pulling away too. Something in me seemed to snap, and I leapt into my car, revving the engine as I took off behind her. She had only just entered the house when I pulled into her driveway, and it was with wide eyes that she turned around and looked at me. This is how the conversation went:**

_**M: Jane? *wide eyed***_

_**J: What. The. Hell. Maura? *pokes finger into Maura's chest with every word, forcing hand down when Maura eventually winces* You avoid me all day, you run away from me the second I come to see you... you DON'T call me... what am I supposed to be thinking here?**_

_**M: *weakly* That I need time? *rubs spot on chest that I poked***_

_**J: *ignoring surge of guilt at Maura's discomfort* No! No, it is pretty obvious to me that you and everyone else around us knew about our feelings before I did, so you don't get to say that you need time!**_

_**M: Jane... *sigh***_

_**J: *opens mouth then shuts it abruptly, staring at Maura***_

_**M: I just... I just want you to be sure. Sure that you want me. Sure that you want this.**_

_**J: Did you read my diary?**_

_**M: Yes, every word. But... what if I'm a rebound from Casey...?**_

_**J: You're not.**_

_**M: Or just a result of a curiosity phase from you...?**_

_**J: Definitely not just curiosity.**_

_**M: I just... I just don't think I could cope.**_

_**J: Cope? Cope with what? *I reach out to touch her face, lifting her chin so I can see her eyes, which are swimming with tears. When they start to spill over, I gently wipe them away with my thumbs***_

_**M: If you... if you didn't mean it. If you didn't want this.**_

_**J: *deep breath* Do you remember what my note said? The one at the very end?**_

_**M: *hesitantly* Ye-e-es...**_

_**J: I asked you to take a chance on me. I know this is scary, Maura, hell, I'm shakin' in my boots. But I do know that I want this. I want to try. Because I know that if we do this, it will be the best goddamned thing to ever happen in my life, and I don't wanna miss out on that.**_

_**M: Take a chance... I don't know if I can do that.**_

_**J: You can.**_

_**M: I'm scared.**_

_**J: There's no need to be scared when I'm around. *steps closer***_

_**M: *breathes in slowly* I... I want to take a chance.**_

_**J: With me**_

_**M: With you *steps closer into my body, her gaze dropping down to the ground then up to meet my gaze* ****Promise you'll catch me if I fall?**_

_**J: No, because if you fall, I'll be right alongside you for the ride. *leans down***_

_**M: *leans up***_

_***kissing***_

** Diary, I can honestly tell you that I have NEVER had a better kiss. Her lips were soft and tender, yet firm and determined too, and when our tongues touched for the first time, explosions went off under my skin.**

_That is simply a figure of speech, Jane._

**I am AWARE of that, and do not steal my diary!**

_Why not? I bought it for you._

**Yes, a MONTH after I used up the old one.**

_We were rather busy during that month, as I recall, and I do not recall you complaining that I had not left the bed._

**No, you weren't ALLOWED to leave the bed.**

_Precisely. So how on earth was I to buy you a diary before then, when I was being forcibly detained?_

**You make it sound so dirty.**

_Oh, it was dirty Jane. It was._

**I need to tell my lovely readers what happened next, Maura!**

_You have readers now, Jane? Besides me?_

**I KNEW you were still peeking at my diary! And well... no. Not now. But I mean, who knows what will happen if someone finds this diary. Look what happened to Anne Frank.**

_I hope you are not implying that you suspect we will be forced into hiding and succumb to an early demise, Jane._

**Oh God, you are so literal. No, I was not implying that, I just... want to feel like I'm leaving this story in a good way. I'll paste these pages into the back of my first diary, and my new diary will be ours. But I want to finish our getting together story first.**

_Our diary, hm? That's very sweet. Fine, allow me to finish the story?_

**Knock yourself out.**

_For the following month after they first got together, Jane and Maura rarely left the bedroom except when absolutely necessary. Both made use of their extensive built-up annual leave hours, and took an extended leave of absence, the better to enjoy each other with. It did not take Maura and Jane very long at all to realize that they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together, and so, two weeks after their first kiss, Maura made several phone calls to family friends. Within an hour, she had made the arrangements, and on the 16__th__ of July, she received a jewellery box in the mail. So now only one question remains for the happy couple... what will Jane say in response to Maura's request?_

_Jane Clementine Rizzoli, will you marry me?_

**Oh my God**

_Jane?_

**Yes. Yes of course I will!**

_Then I think there is just one more thing to say to end this tale. And they both lived..._

**Happily.**

_Ever._

**After.**

**END.**

That was so much fun to write! Haha. As always, I will love you forever if you review. I love you all anyway just for reading my ramblings though :-P And thank you so much to all those that have taken the time to review along the way... I treasure each one :-)

I am also working on a sequel to this, if anyone is interested. I just had too much fun writing it to leave it here. :-)

And I wasn't going to post this till tomorrow since I was meant to have a babysitting job tonight but I started vomiting yet again because of this stupid not-quite-whooping-cough-but-apparently-it's-almos t-the-same-thing bug I have, and had to cancel babysitting. And so now you all have it early, cause I feel crappy and I want reviews to make me smile so please cheer me up? :-(

Thanks guys, love yas all xoxo

-Katie (aka tika12001)


	9. Author's Note

Hi all, not an update, just wanted to let you all know that I am starting to post the sequel to this story. It is called 'Our Diary'. Much love to all! :-)


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